Apocalypse Now

May 23rd, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

I was rooting for Harold Camping. I mean, I think he was wrong, showed a horrible inability to interpret the Bible, seemed to misunderstand the gospel, and showed a stubborn and arrogantly willful ignorance of his own fallibility, but I would have not minded one bit if the world would have ended.

Let me clarify: I really love this world (not in the “do not love the world, nor the things of the world” sort of way), and I have high hopes for my own future, but, number one, this world really is royally messed up, and number two, the next world is going to be way more amazing than we can even imagine. What’s not to like about the end of the world?

Of course, there is a huge sense of tragedy that comes with the cosmic cataclysm. I do believe that it will be a pretty rough (to make a small understatement) for a lot of people. There is a sense of relief, then, to the world not ending. God continues to patiently wait for more to repent before he finally and fully makes all things right.

But there’s also a huge sense of tragedy among those Christians who were misled by Mr. Camping. In the first place, there are those who sold everything and used up their life savings waiting for the end. They have lives to piece back together again. What was supposed to be a tragedy for the rest of the world has now become a trial for them.

But more importantly, I’m seriously scared for the spiritual condition of those who were led astray by this false prophecy. Now they have to piece their spiritual life back together again. Many will wonder, was it Harold Camping who failed, or was it that the Bible was proven false? this non-event will (no doubt) send many genuine Christians into a serious time of doubt, and perhaps some level of falling away. For this, God will hold Harold Camping responsible.

This is the first tragedy of the non-apocalypse, but the second is perhaps more significant. The perceived failure of God to deliver on his promises has delivered yet more ammunition to those members of society who are already quite willing to make fun of God and Christianity. Our primary objective as Christians is to glorify God, but this event has instead given non-believers yet another opportunity to drag his name through the dirt and ridicule him for his non-existence. The greatest evil of Harold Campings teaching is that he provided yet another opportunity for people to mock God. This is doubly dangerous, both for Camping, and for those who take advantage of the opportunity to mock. This is the ultimate tragedy of the non-apocalypse.

Dear Woman, I am sorry. Sorta.

May 20th, 2011 § 1 comment § permalink

Some months ago, Yoplait was running an ad campaign educating women on the calcium contents of yogurt. Did you know that the leading brand of yogurt has only 20% of a woman’s daily recommended amount of yogurt? I didn’t either. But can you imagine having to eat 5 yogurts per day? That would be awful. I don’t know how women can stand to be themselves.

But Yoplait has a solution. See, their yogurt has a whopping 50% of a woman’s daily recommended calcium. (So, doing the math, you only need to eat two per day.)

Now, I think this is a solution in search of a problem. Yogurt is great! Why would a woman (or anyone, really), regardless of her risk of osteoporosis, want to cut back on her yogurt intake? (Have you seen Michael on Burn Notice? I can’t remember anything about that show, but I guarantee you, he won’t be getting osteoporosis any time soon.)

But okay. Yoplait wants to convince women everywhere to buy their yogurt. (It’s better for you!) So they were giving out free yogurts to encourage women to try the yogurt. Just go to the website, fill out the form, yada-yada.

Sweet! I like yogurt! I totally went to the website, all decorated in dramatically girly girlishness, and filled out the form. And today, I got my free yogurt coupon. I’m so excited. Free food tastes even better!

Somewhere out there, though, there is a woman who wanted a coupon, but they ran out just before she filled out the form. She was denied. She’ll never have her chance to taste the goodness that is a free Yoplait yogurt. (She’s been oppressed by the man—me.) I hope she doesn’t break her hip.

Sorta Belated Mother’s Day

May 19th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

If I recall correctly, there was a time my family played Risk together. It was the first time (and the last, as far as I know) Mom had ever played it. She won, too.

She played as best she could, because none of us would have enjoyed winning if we were just given the victory. Winning is always meant to be earned. Otherwise it cannot be enjoyed.

So she played as best she could, and she won, but she felt bad about it. She would have gotten more joy from one of us winning than from winning herself. If it were possible, she would give winning away.

My mom is just the sweetest. I love her.

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